Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
Assalamualaikum NaNa,
It's really been a while. Three years flew by so fast that I literally forgot about the existence of this blog. I thought of permanently deleting it but I wasn't really a camera-friendly girl back when I was in school so I don't have much memory kept about my teenage years. So yeah, you're staying!
Dear NaNa, three years...whew~
A lot had happened in these three years. I graduated, got a job, andddd got engaged to the love of my life. We fight, a lot, but we reconcile shortly after and I realized I do want us to keep fighting and loving each other for a long time. Well, I don't want to keep talking about my fiance, not that I'm shy or anything, I just prefer expressing to him rather than here. I learned that letting the person you love know that you love them is wayyyyy much better than writing it down here.
NaNa, being a year over quarter of a decade has changed me a lot. My way of thinking, my aims in life and how I perceive the world. I also realize that I am deep-rooted an INFP, introvert (funny! because people used to praise me for my confidence to be on-stage) and I really appreciate a small circle of friends. I have also realized that my circle is getting smaller and smaller now that I live with my parents and I spend more time with my family. Another fun fact that I learned is that I am very, very, very much emotional judgmental person (>.<) as I get older because I am getting more easily annoyed at things around me. Don't be me!
NaNa, the main reason I come here to talk about my life and what I have been doing is to let out some frustrations I have been feeling over some inconveniences in life. I'm someone who is really simple, doesn't care much and love pleasing others. The thing is, I find that this particular circle of friends I have crumbles as a friend started to change. I guess when we first knew her, she's fun, easy-going and someone I'd love to keep for the rest of my life. Things happened and she changed. She's been struggling with mental health and my other friends and I have been trying our best to be supportive. However, I've been noticing changes in her behaviours, especially with the way she treats us. She says a lot of hurtful things and what I'm disappointed the most is the way she becomes more materialistic. Being materialistic is okay if you keep the goals and values to yourself. The fact that she keeps saying things that downgrade us in subtle ways stabs deep into my heart. I can let go nasty things she said about me but the moment she started to insult my partner, I almost went into a combat mode. Unfortunately, I am an introvert. I could only slap her face in my mind and went blank instead upon hearing what she said. More incidents followed after and I couldn't help but to start distancing myself from her. I want to keep in touch with her without being hurt. I stopped travelling with her. I minimise communication and today, I just took the first step to restrict her account on Instagram. I don't hate her. I just get sad whenever I come across her on any social media. I tried to talk to other friends regarding this but they're too kind and just wanted me to let her be. Maybe because they aren't hurt as much as me. Today, I decided to pour all my frustrations here and try my best to forget. I will continue doing what I have been doing until I get my peace of mind. I hope as time passes by, I will eventually forget everything that has happened. It'll also be great if she goes back to her normal self, the one I knew back in uni instead.
I wish no harm or unfortunate things for her because she's still a kind friend who has been with me through ups and downs in life. I just think that it's time to focus more on myself rather than letting her hurt me further in life. How I wish I have the courage to bring this matter up to her to discuss but I hate confrontations, that's why. Let's just hope time heals. Sincerely hope it will.
In the meantime, this is going to be the end of my life update for now. I'll come back to update more, of course. Gotta go back to assignments and get that masters' degree. Till then, toodles everyone!
Love,
NLS