It's funny when you can't find any other better platform to write, you just come back to the old school memory and boom, you're in your comfort zone. I'm definitely thrown back to the old memories of passionate expressions of feelings in the form of writings, be them essays or poems. In love. Should do this more often.
2 years later. I've gone through hell. Been down there in pits of fire but fortunately enough, survived. 2 years ago when I last wrote my entry, I was an intern. The entry was written at the office where I was doing my internship. Life started to get really interesting right after that. Like I said, I went through hell. There were however also beautiful memories I made and new people that I met I wouldn't even trade the whole world for.
In the last 2 years, I've been broken and shattered. Lacking support and poorly coping with the heartbreak, I made a lot of wrong decisions. I lost trust in humans. I was dumb and the moment I realized I'd been stupid all this while, this virtual reality that had been playing in front of me glitched and I could see it collapsing. Behind it was the ugliest truth. I struggled to accept that. Yes. It took me more than a year and the right people to finally learn that I made a huge mistake, it was unacceptable but because of love I kept receiving, I was determined to acknowledge and try my best to forget whatever had happened. It was a long process. Acceptance was. But it's worth it.
I learned that we're ought to not rush our healing just to get moving. It'll be just like suppressing your feelings deep down into a nowhere ocean.
Funny enough, before I learned all those words, my self-esteem was badly wrecked that I was in a deep black hole for a few months. Was even suicidal. I saw no point in living if I had continued being a loser I was. I hated that I was broken. I hated the fact that I let myself be played by someone else. But Allah, the Almighty He is, like He promised, never leaves His subjects alone and I was indeed not alone. He sent me many beautiful souls, He let me know through them that life is so much more than it was back then.
By the end of 2019, I got my life sorted out bits by bits. It was definitely neither easy nor breezy, it took a lot of patience and time but they're all worth it. What I'm most happy about, I learned to see love, partner, soulmate, future, marriage, and happiness in a whole different light. Could say I've been wiser.
Allah is lending me one of the most beautiful subjects He's created in this world. Imperfectly perfect for me. He's loved, he's calmed, he's assured, he's comforted. He is the cuddliest form of a human being who soothes my pain and eases my anxiety.
My friends around me couldn't be better. So understanding, so undemanding, yet so fun to be with. I guess as friendships mature, we care less about little things and look at the bigger picture. We aim for happiness and that's all we strive for. We meet to be happy, we tell stories to be happy and we're there for one another to be happy.
Life surely works wonder. Pains and difficulties I've gone through were definitely blessings in disguise. There wasn't any silver lining behind my clouds. But there were brighter rays and fluffier clouds and I am content with that for now. Alhamdulillah thank you Allah.
In this blissful Ramadan, I want to remind myself to always be grateful and thank Allah for the little blessings in my life. And in this holy month, I pray that the future holds a brighter world for all of us in shaa Allah.
Till then,
NLS
2 years later. I've gone through hell. Been down there in pits of fire but fortunately enough, survived. 2 years ago when I last wrote my entry, I was an intern. The entry was written at the office where I was doing my internship. Life started to get really interesting right after that. Like I said, I went through hell. There were however also beautiful memories I made and new people that I met I wouldn't even trade the whole world for.
In the last 2 years, I've been broken and shattered. Lacking support and poorly coping with the heartbreak, I made a lot of wrong decisions. I lost trust in humans. I was dumb and the moment I realized I'd been stupid all this while, this virtual reality that had been playing in front of me glitched and I could see it collapsing. Behind it was the ugliest truth. I struggled to accept that. Yes. It took me more than a year and the right people to finally learn that I made a huge mistake, it was unacceptable but because of love I kept receiving, I was determined to acknowledge and try my best to forget whatever had happened. It was a long process. Acceptance was. But it's worth it.
I learned that we're ought to not rush our healing just to get moving. It'll be just like suppressing your feelings deep down into a nowhere ocean.
Funny enough, before I learned all those words, my self-esteem was badly wrecked that I was in a deep black hole for a few months. Was even suicidal. I saw no point in living if I had continued being a loser I was. I hated that I was broken. I hated the fact that I let myself be played by someone else. But Allah, the Almighty He is, like He promised, never leaves His subjects alone and I was indeed not alone. He sent me many beautiful souls, He let me know through them that life is so much more than it was back then.
By the end of 2019, I got my life sorted out bits by bits. It was definitely neither easy nor breezy, it took a lot of patience and time but they're all worth it. What I'm most happy about, I learned to see love, partner, soulmate, future, marriage, and happiness in a whole different light. Could say I've been wiser.
Allah is lending me one of the most beautiful subjects He's created in this world. Imperfectly perfect for me. He's loved, he's calmed, he's assured, he's comforted. He is the cuddliest form of a human being who soothes my pain and eases my anxiety.
My friends around me couldn't be better. So understanding, so undemanding, yet so fun to be with. I guess as friendships mature, we care less about little things and look at the bigger picture. We aim for happiness and that's all we strive for. We meet to be happy, we tell stories to be happy and we're there for one another to be happy.
Life surely works wonder. Pains and difficulties I've gone through were definitely blessings in disguise. There wasn't any silver lining behind my clouds. But there were brighter rays and fluffier clouds and I am content with that for now. Alhamdulillah thank you Allah.
In this blissful Ramadan, I want to remind myself to always be grateful and thank Allah for the little blessings in my life. And in this holy month, I pray that the future holds a brighter world for all of us in shaa Allah.
Till then,
NLS