A fool for something we call LOVE

I look into your young eyes, Bright, full of enthusiasm They yawp, carpe diem
Time passes by, I try to look deep into your eyes again Heartbreaks, disappointment, pain They're now pools of soulless organ
Under your breath you whisper "I love you" I gasp It's proven true Love gorges on you

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2016 is ending

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
Assalamualaikum

Long time no see. Last coret dalam bulan 6 7 macamtu. Masa tengah cuti sebelum masuk degree. Sekarang ni dah nak habis 1 sem degree dah kot. Next week final.

So, many things, bad and good had happened this year. So, where should I start?

Ok, mari mula dengan study. 

So, I'm now furthering my studies in USM, majoring in English for Professionals. Ya tak dapat TeSOL pun. I was seriously sedih sangat sebab out of three offers I got, none was TeSL. Cried and mourned for a few days juga lah. I also got offered English as Professional Communication (EPC) at UiTM Shah Alam and Sejarah (Sastera) at Universiti Malaya. Yang 2nd tu macam what da hek sangat so obviously reject LOL. Decided to go to USM because that's what my dad wants. I also think USM is better for me.

So, the funny thing is, after settling for a few weeks there, I actually got offered TeSL in UiTM. oh my god. only God knows how furious and confused I was. I asked some people and was determined to go. But my parents knew better. I talked to them, realised they were not keen on the idea of me going to UiTM and the process of going there was quite tedious I decided to stay. It was hard for me to decide because honestly, I was prepared to go. So here I am, having a wonderful life in this course even tho it's hectic af (because it's a 3-year course).

Next, friends
I got new friends! Obviously, since ada kat tempat baru, right. But these friends remind me so much of my classmates during high school. They're so noisy! but in a good way. And they're very nice. The funny thing is most of them are guys, and Chinese. LOLOL. but I got myself a few beautiful Malay girls as my friends too. I feel grateful for being blessed with their existence. We did so many things together already and I'm looking forward to more adventures in the future.

hiking at National Park, Penang. Missing quite a few of people. 

Another aspect, love life.

I don't know what to say about this because it has been a hell of roller-coaster-like ride. Let me just summarise everything in points form.

1. I confessed to Polar Bear, saying that if he likes me too, I shall wait for him but if he's not, then I'm moving on because 4 year-waiting was tiring for me. And then he said he didn't have any feeling to me and he already knew I've been liking him because I wrote a lot about him in this blog. Honestly, I doubt him because he was the one who approached me, gave me presents, saying 143, stalking my FB page and all sorts of things but meh, maybe he was saying he didn't have any feeling towards me at that time. It's okay. I've achieved my aim and I've freed myself. Sounds like I was okay, right? NOPE! I was in a mental breakdown for 2 months, more or less. But I've moved on. And guess who surprised me a with a FOLLOW request on Instagram? Hah! 

2. Crushes at university? NOPE! sad life

So, I think I've written a little bit too much. I shall be back to studying now. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, happy holiday to school kids and Happy New Year to everyone!

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My own stand: Islam

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamulaikum warahmatullah

I was preparing for my interview in USM next week by doing some online researches when I suddenly came across this article

CLICK HERE

so apparently it's just an article about a confession done by a Chinese mualaf. He's actually a quite renowned individual in the mass media. Or maybe we can refer to him as a celebrity.

Somehow, I agree with his statements. How mualafs in Malaysia are not acknowledged to hold higher positions in jabatan2 Islam. Ok let's not go to the politic part. First of all, the welfare of the mualafs is still questionable here in Malaysia. I once joined a bayyan by a group of tabligh back in 2012 where the issue of reverts in Sabah, Sarawak and a few Orang Asli villages converted into their old religions because of problems they faced were discussed. They lacked support; financially, emotionally and spiritually.

You see, it's not easy to be a revert or mualaf. It's more difficult if you are the only one from the family or the only one from the society. Being alienated is one thing. Being accepted is another thing. You can't help but feeling needy to be accepted into the society, to be living normally like everyone else. It's a norm and it's not wrong. Plus, being a revert, of course not much knowledge is possessed therefore guidance and supports are seriously needed.

In Malaysia, it is true Islam was developed and still growing thanks to Malay's efforts since the age of Malay sultanate of Malacca. It's parallel to the fact most Malays in Malaysia are Muslims. However, somehow, the Malays are playing role of race to be the ONLY race that has the privilege to develop Islam as authorities. Therefore, the issue of mualaf welfare is taken for granted even though the issue has been raised several times in the past years.

Now someone has spoken out his mind. I really think we Malay should stop defending our privilege in Malaysia. The constitution has secured us enough. We don't need to use Islam for our benefits. Islam knows no race. Everyone deserves the same right as everyone is the same to Allah. Everyone has the right to be a good Muslim. Everyone has the right to develop Islam.

I don't want to write any longer because I might touch the sensitivity of races and religions in Malaysia which I strongly don't want to as I want to keep the peace in this multi-racial country. This is just only my stand. It's not that I'm not proud to be part of the largest race in Malaysia but to me, race has so little value compared to religion. I play my part in this world as a Muslim, not a Malay.

Till next time. Assalamualaikum 

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Final Destination

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Just finished reading my entries in 2014-2015. Haha my English sucked so much I can actually use them for error analysis practice.

so, hi blog. Long time no see.

I'm leaving Dengkil in 2 weeks time. it's kinda sad because I have learnt a lot from this place. From its people. Classmates, housemates, even Comrad. Yep, I associate with people from other courses too.

Life lesson 1: Husnudzon and trusting Allah never fails to give you happiness
Life lesson 2: Forget Allah once, He doesn't forget you, but your life is never calm again.
Life lesson 3: Be generous. People may not remember you but Allah will

I actually have a lot more life lessons to be shared with people who still read my blog. Who still follow my crappy life.

The foundation is going to end soon. I don't know what will happen to my life next. I don't even know what will I do during the 6-months break before registering for degree programme. Mom said she has a plan for me. Well, my only plan for now is to gain money.

Imma read books for sure. Imma back to Usman Awang and A.Samad Said books. Imma polish my love for arts, both English and Malay. Imma do what I have been loving to do since Form 1. Bismillah, may Allah ease my way. 

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19

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

It's already 2016
I'm already 19

The burdens are getting heavier
So does my weigh
Nah, JK. I'm always a loser


The foundation is gonna meet its end soon
I'm not ready yet! Pretty sure I'm gonna be ruined

I miss my family
Wanna go home, but I ain't have no money

I keep my mouth shut more frequently
So I won't end up cursing violently
Whenever I'm stressed, whenever I'm angry

Screw this world
No more dance and twirl

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